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Other People’s Arrows

Tian Dayton MA, PhD, TEP
“If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart . . .” – Pema Chödrön


People will aim their arrows at me sometimes; it will just happen, it’s the way of the world. And I will unwittingly, or even on purpose, do the same. When I have an arrow come to me, I will keep my focus on myself. I will ask myself what I am meant to see and learn from this. Surely I will examine the other person and wonder why, but more than that, I will wonder why it hurts me so particularly, why I feel so vulnerable in this spot and unable to protect myself. Why I did not see this arrow coming, or how I may have even participated in its finding me are questions I will explore. What in my thinking, feeling, or behavior, if anything, drew this towards me. And why does it sink so deep?


I will grow from each experience I am given.   




You are reading from One Foot in Front of the Other: Daily Affirmations for Recovery by Tian Dayton, PhD (Health Communications, Inc., 9780757317880, paperback, 384 pages, $11.96).

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Tian Dayton, PhD, is the author of sixteen books, including The ACoA Trauma Syndrome; Emotional Sobriety; Trauma and Addiction; Forgiving and Moving On; and The Living Stage. In addition, Dr. Dayton has developed a model for using sociometry and psychodrama to resolve issues related to relationship trauma repair. She is a board-certified trainer in psychodrama, sociometry, and group psychotherapy and is the director of The New York Psychodrama Training Institute.